Pokemon
Pokemon is a Japanese mega-franchise that epitomizes the multi-format cross-product marketing strategy known as media-mix. Representing 20% of Japan's Gross National Product, it remains a social and cultural miscreant, the fare of 8 year-olds and the manchildren that resemble them. You wake up and it's the morning of your tenth birthday. The sun is already shining on this clear perfect day, the day you with cease babidom and enter into muscular childhood. On this day, you receive a special gift: a pokemon, a genetically homogeneous but heterophenotypic wrestling-beetle to help you on your journey toward perpetual itinerant bug-mastery. Your mother congratulates you and hands you a pair of running shoes. Your father is disturbingly absent. And with nothing but boots and a map, you leave your vacant mountain home in search of all 649 species of pokemon. On the surface, the game is an endless fetch-quest: the rate at which they add new pokemon makes capturing them all across every new version of the game increasingly pointless. But the journey of mastery you perform in the game parallels the journey of mastery you follow in real life as you play it: just as the game is never-ending play-labor that only ends once you have forever abandoned it's unproductive line of action, so too your life is made an infinite waste until you grow up and do something meaningful with your life instead of playing that stupid kid's game all day. Get a fucking job and a girlfriend. Srsly, we might have had a cure for cancer by now if you'd stop playing pokemon already. You're 25. How Capture Pokemon Capturing pokemon is central to the pokemon trainer in their quest to stop playing pokemon and getting a job. Without capturing pokemon, there is no way to measure exactly how much productive energy has been dissipated playing a game even grade-schoolers know is pointless. #Walk in tall grass and find a wild pokemon. This will take 11 or so steps before you can access the infinite population of these vermin. #Make one of your pokemon fight the wild pokemon, beating them into submission. #Make sure you don't beat the wild pokemon into unconsciousness, or it will fall into an irreversable coma and you'll have to find a new wild pokemon. #Once you've beaten up the wild pokemon enough, throw a pokeball at it and watch it struggle for freedom. If the wild pokemon was sufficiently bludgeoned, you'll have captured a pokemon! #It will now be your friend forever and fallow you're every command without fail or regard for its safety and the safety of others. Pokemon do not eat or deficate: sleep is an abnormal state for a pokemon. The only sign that pokemon give of being alive is their voracious drive for breeding. While phenotypically diverse, pokemon are very inclusive in their sexual selection: for instance, snake, rodent, duck, whale, ape, horse, mole, and penguin pokemon are each viable mates for the other. A Dramatic Reading of Important Pokemon Fanfiction Erotica Death of a Pokemon Category:Reference